Jeans
I proudly shared my #TransformationTuesday photo today on Facebook. Everyone oohed and ahhed. Everyone has been great with my overly posting pictures. What I didn’t post yesterday? When I put on those jeans this weekend, I smiled in shock, and then, I cried. There are so many moments in this journey that I’m heartbroken. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to explain that I can’t stop looking in the mirror. I can’t explain how it breaks my heart and makes me cry. I can’t handle the response: but you were beautiful before. It’s still you. Bullshit. I fell down some deep hole before, and I was a reflection of that hole—my choices, my body, my being stuck. I had no idea what my life could be like. I had no idea what I could be like. I never imagined any of this was possible or that it would ever matter to me. My identity was so wrapped up in protecting and upholding the idea that I was good enough the way I was that I rejected the possibility of otherness. It’s st